Faye McCray

When my brother Tommy became a police officer, he was only nineteen.

My father, born in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, is an Air Force veteran who rose through the ranks in the NYPD. He is a tough dude.

With a strong family history of military and law enforcement, the decision for my brother to join the NYPD was almost made for him.

Tommy was still living at home when he graduated from the police academy, and it took me a while to understand just how much had changed.

He was ten years older than me, but even in his uniform, he always looked like my awkward big brother—the one who practiced MJ moves in front of the mirror and drowned his french fries in ketchup.

One day, after a long shift, I remember him coming home and telling my family and me about his day. He had been working a parade, and just a few moments in, gunshots rang out in the crowd. Everyone began to run in the opposite direction of the sound.

Including him.

Just a few moments into running away, he realized that even in their panic, everyone in the crowd had their eyes on him. For a split second, he had forgotten that, in full uniform, he was no longer a civilian. His job was to act entirely against his instinct and run toward the danger.

To this day, I remember how my mom sat utterly still, worry all over her face. My other brother and I never laughed so hard.

As I’ve gotten older and reflected on that story, I still find the humor, but I am also in awe of my big brother. And while I never quite got the law enforcement gene, I lived vicariously through a heart-stopping example of acting despite your fear—doing it afraid… and surviving.

Here’s the thing. Most careers don’t involve running toward that level of danger, but for those contemplating something new and fighting with (a probably completely) rational fear-based instinct to run, what if you don’t? What if you run toward that thing instead? What if you survive?

Just thoughts. I used to tell him that would have been the day I quit. He always looked at me like he knew otherwise.